No....but

Just a quick update for those following Alex's story.....it turns out they couldn't find that 'needle in a haystack' in his blood, which happens in 1/3 of the patients, so Alex won't be a part of the study looking for cellular changes in lymphoma.  Needless to say, I was disappointed.  I'm not sure folks understand what it's like to wonder if every symptom could be a return of his cancer.  PTLD (post-transplant Lymphoproliferative disorder) is so sneaky....it can present as something as ordinary as constipation. Then after you've tested for everything else, it's cancer. That's what we live with everyday; you try your best to push it as far back in your mind as you can and live your life.  It's a precarious life.  It's also a thankful life, no moment is taken for granted; every hug, every kind word, every kiss on the head matters.

Yesterdays answer was No......but.  Stanford would like us to meet with their transplant cardiology team about a study they are doing to try and individualize immunosuppression.  Right now, almost everybody has a same window of suppression.  You take your medicine and they measure the level in your blood, most people are at 3-5 (as an example).  This study will look at ways to individualize those levels based on a person's personal history and how those levels relate to secondary diseases like cancer and renal failure.  Alex has spent his entire life on the cutting edge of medicine and we have always agreed to participate in studies that not only help him, but others following us (as long as it hasn't been harmful to Alex) so this is nothing new to us. This is the path we've been given to walk.  God's purpose for Alex continues.

Alex will be followed by Stanford every 3 months with his next PET scan in mid-September.  Our hope and prayer for that is CR (Complete Recovery). Right now, the doctors are happy with his progress, his blood levels are good and they remain optimistic that the PET will be clear.

On a lighter note, I recently helped my dad clear out my mom's closet and we came across all my mom's report cards from 2nd grade thru 12th.  The fact that my grandma saved all these (mom was the 10th of 11 children) amazed the family.  But one particular year was quite reflective of my mom.  From her 7th grade teacher:
Sept - "Barbara sometimes talks a little but she is one of my very few good students.  She is capable and dependable."
Jan. 29 - "No trouble with talking this period.  Complains about assignments as though work is an awful thing but I don't think she really means it that way.  Does nice work and has a pleasant personality."
April 2 - "Barbara is not doing too badly so far as failing is concerned but she isn't working up to capacity.  She is talented if she would dig in and put out her best."
I can just see this teacher, perhaps in her first year of teacher, wanting to write something nice about each of her students.  Mom obviously came out of her shell after the first quarter and voiced her opinion (no surprise there).  But as the year wears on, the teacher slowly starts to slump over her desk.....

A couple of things.....it’ll be a busy week for the Hassetts. We’re at Stanford today awaiting our appointment with Dr. Alizedah tomorrow. He is the leading specialist on PTLD (Post-Transplant Lymphoproliferative Disorder) Alex’s particular brand of lymphoma. We will find out if Alex qualifies to participate in a study which is trying to detect changes in lymphoma on a cellular level, before it becomes detectable on scans. Because of the incedious nature of how PTLD reveals itself, this would obviously alleviate some stress on our part as far as having to figure out if some seemingly innocent symptom is in fact, cancer. I’m hoping Alex qualifies. This could change a number of things for us; things change, sometimes for the better but sometimes just because they do.
We had a really easy drive up (much less stressful than our drive to LA) and we even stopped by the Winchester Mystery House for their new ‘Explore More’ tour. So all in all, an enjoyable trip. We have a great little place to stay that is quiet & serene and on this visit we discovered a wonderful Chinese restaurant - it was a good day. We got a call before dinner from Stanford, the doctor had reviewed Alex’s blood work from 2 weeks ago & wants new labs drawn. I don’t think he knows what that does to my imagination.....what does this mean?  Was there something wrong with his levels?  Did he see something our oncologist back home didn’t see? Is the cancer back?  I’m trying not to go there. Perhaps he just wants additional tests that weren’t run 2 weeks ago.

I’m sitting on our balcony, enjoying the view and a conversation begins:

Me: what does this mean God?  What are you doing?
God: do you trust me?
Me: you scare me. You’ve already taken Ian. I know that trusting you can lead to pain.....but yes, I trust you.
A few years ago, maybe even more recently, I wouldn’t have been able to say those words. But we’ve made some changes recently that have put us on a path toward healing.  As hard as it was, we’ve left our former church home where healing & hope was hard to find. As much as we loved the people, and love them still, the theology was killing our souls. We could no longer go to a place that left us more depressed than when we walked in. We needed to pursue joy and we’ve started that journey.
I said we would be busy this week.......after we get back from Stanford I will finally have my knee replacement surgery. This is long overdue and I’m hoping that fixing my knee will allow me to do the things I want & need to do......like hiking, canoeing, working on the back yard, running errands for the Foundation and that second tour of the Winchester Mystery House!
My fortune cookie tonight at dinner said “you will be called upon to celebrate good news”....I’ll take whatever I can get.