I have been blessed with Godly friends who remind me that God loves me and my family. That God is intervening on our behalf against an enemy we can not see. That He gave us the power of praying in his name. That remind me that my perspective needs to shift from what He's not doing to what He IS doing.
We started Alex's second round of chemo on the 20th of December at a new place with new nurses with a new regimen for him. We had gone through a horrible day getting his port put in and were quickly finding out it was for nothing.....the port wasn't functioning. The premeds and saline they were giving him was simply pouring into his skin and swelling it up like a balloon - all that discomfort and waiting for nothing and I felt like it was my fault because I pushed for the port thinking it would save him from at least some pain. The decision was eventually made to abandon the port and have a PICC line put in.
I was angry....angry at the wasted time, of Alex's pain while they poked and prodded trying to access the port, angry for what he had gone through in getting the stupid thing implanted....so I remembered what my friend had said and called on Jesus' name to intervene. The answer came in a different form then I intended and not as quickly as I wanted but it came. After the PICC line was in, the rest of Alex's hospital stay was astonishingly smooth. He encountered none of the side effects he had during his first round of chemo. His nurses were wonderful; knowledgeable and attentive and we were home in time for Christmas.
Then we waited. We waited for the nausea to hit.....it never came. We waited for the bone pain to set in after his Neulasta shot to help bring his white counts up.....it never came. It's so hard not to get a sense of deja vu - Ian had the exact same chemo regimen and remembering how it affected him is still fresh. Once again, Alex is setting his own course and amazing us all. And in it, I see God reminding me He's still watching over my son; He's still intervening on his behalf.
God continues to speak through friends.
God continues to speak through His creation. A box of essential oils showed up on our doorstep a few weeks ago and we have been religiously using them to help Alex fight this cancer. It's a small thing I can DO to help; I can't say for sure if these oils are helping keep his nausea and pain away but I like to think they are. I've always believed that every plant on this earth was put here for a purpose and we are actively testing that theory in our home every night. Alex and I have gotten into a routine every night and since it includes a foot massage for him, he's not complaining.
God continues to speak through men like Rick Warren who speak to my heart on a daily basis reminding me what faith can/should look like.
God continues to speak....
when we are angry.
When we are hurt and wounded.
When 'whys' consume our days.
When we are done listening.
When the fear is overwhelming.
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