Surrounded

Yesterday I took Alex in for his first PET scan since he started chemo.  This would tell us whether the chemo was working.  It would tell us whether we would need to start scanning the internet and relentelesly texting our doctor about new clinical trials.  It would tell us if our son had a chance of beating this monster.  It would tell us if we could breath again.

As I was getting ready to drive Alex to SLO for the test I was greeted by a text from a high school girlfriend with a link to a song....Reckless Love. I am not usually one for repetitive praise songs but that morning I needed it slammed into my brain the words of this song...."there is no shadow you won't light up, no mountain you won't climb up.... coming after me.  No wall you won't break down, no lie you won't tear down...coming after me."  I needed to be reminded that God loves us THAT much; that nothing will stop Him from pursuing us. He doesn't force us to love Him but he will pursue us.  Have you ever tried to force someone to love you?  What's the point?  Love that is not freely given is meaningless - God knows that; that's why He gives us a choice.  That's the God I grew up believing in and giving my heart to as a 12 year old girl. That's the God I needed to be reminded of Thursday morning.  Lies that try to separate us from Him will be torn away

I get Rick Warren's daily messages and that morning was about Thanking God in advance.  His whole series lately has been about what faith looks like.  I've known, read about this truth my whole life but that morning I put it into practice......but timidly.  I've been too afraid to ask for healing for Alex.  We asked, begged for healing for Ian and it never came so I wasn't sure that God & I have the same definition of healing.  His form took a much more painful route.  But I was brave enough to ask for an improvement in Alex's scan....some hope that we were on the right track.  What we got was so much more than I had dared hoped for.

I also clung to a promise God made to me when Alex was a baby.  He told me quite clearly that 'He had already prepared Alex for everything that was ahead of him'. It happened as I was praying fervently over my son as we waited for his first surgery after his heart condition was diagnosed and I was quite lucid at that moment.  I've always doubted how prepared I was for Alex's future but I wasn't promised that, just that Alex could handle what lay ahead......and that has proven true for the last 28 years.

I listened to KLove on the 45 minute drive up to SLO and EVERY song spoke about God's love and tenaciousness for us......I was surrounded that morning by reminders of a God who loves us.  Or in the words from 'The Shack' a God who is 'especially fond' of all of his children.

Alex's scan was clear....it showed no signs of cancer. They call this a 'Complete Response'.   I wish I could show you the difference between his initial scan and yesterdays....it is almost shocking.  His entire body was 'lit up' with cancer - there was not one place that the cancer hadn't spread and it was terrifying.  Today......nothing.  There was some normal activity in the bone marrow and because we believe Alex's lymphoma started in his bone marrow we will confirm there are no cancer cells with a bone marrow biopsy but his doctor was very happy; ecstatic might be a better word. 

Eric and I are cautiously optimistic only because Ian's first PET scan showed no cancer but that changed in just a few short months to an insidious cancer that we couldn't beat.  So Dr. DiCarlo understands our hesitation but we are no less awed by this overwhelming answer to prayer.  God was doing so much more than just reducing the cancer, He was eradicating it. 

For the first time in 3 months, we can breath......and hope.